So . . . what is astrology? 

Astrology and dating 

Matt Galea

Astrology has become increasingly popular on dating apps, with ‘zodiac’ being one of the top five descriptors used by both men and women in Australia, making it an excellent conversation starter. According to a global survey, 30 per cent of Gen Z individuals admit to checking their date’s star sign before going out, while 42 per cent of Australians consider star sign compatibility essential. Galea’s guide is designed to help men who need to be better-versed in spirituality gain confidence and understanding in astrology, leading to more meaningful conversations and connections.

Using astrology to mix and match

Stars and strikes

Here is Galea’s breakdown of each star sign in terms of personality and behavioural tendencies, plus his recommended conversation starters

Aries: March 21 – April 19

If you’re after someone with a bold, take-charge attitude, then Aries is the match for you. They’re usually the first one to make a move. If they’re keen on you, it’ll be pretty obvious.

The best convo starter: “Do you watch or play any sport?”

Taurus: April 20 – May 20

This stable, down-to-earth sign has no time for BS and they’re looking for the same thing in a partner. Are they high maintenance? Sure, they cost a little more, but they’re worth it!

The best convo starter: “If you had to eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?”

Gemini: May 21 – June 21

This intellectual air sign is outgoing, curious and keen to get out there and meet new people.

The best convo starter: “What’s the last gig you went to and what’s the next?”

Cancer: June 22 – July 22

At this point you’re essentially ready to jump back on Tinder and swipe with confidence. Before you do, though, immerse yourself in celestial slang to prove that you’re a true cosmic pro 

Ascendant

It’s like the astrological equivalent of your personal brand. Your rising sign, also known as the ascendant, is all about how you present yourself to the world and how others perceive you. It’s like your astrological first impression, so make it count.

Birth chart 

Crystals 

Gemstones believed to possess different energies that can affect change in our lives.

Air signs 

Earth signs 

Water signs

Mercury retrograde

Venus retrograde 

Tarot cards

Become a star-crossed lover

Galea’s tips to applying your newfound astrological acumen to your love life

Add your zodiac sign to your Tinder profile

Break the ice with star-studded conversation

The post Could astrology hold the key to boosting your success in online dating? appeared first on Men's Health Magazine Australia.

Unfortunately, it happens more than it should. Ever heard of the “orgasm gap”? The term refers to the proven fact that straight, cis men orgasm during sex significantly more often than their partners do. A 2017 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour found that these men orgasm 95 per cent of the time, whereas straight, cis women only orgasm 65 per cent of the time. The disparity has nothing to do with vulva owners’ anatomy; that same study found that cisgender lesbians orgasm 86 per cent of the time during sex, and additional research shows that vulva owners have no problem reaching orgasm during masturbation.

When it comes to making your partner orgasm, the key is thinking beyond intercourse alone. A 2020 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that it took between 12.76 and 14.06 minutes for the average vulva owner to reach climax during penetrative sex—roughly double the 5 to 7 minutes it typically takes penis-owners. And fewer than 1 in 5 vulva-owners are able to orgasm from penetration alone, according to the Mayo Clinic.

So how can you help your partner reach orgasm? Before you make it your life’s mission, a quick warning: While orgasms feel amazing, the act of chasing them can add a lot of pressure to your sex life. Recent research has focused on “orgasm coercion”: the idea that trying too hard to make your partner come can put pressure on them, which feels like coercion. People on the receiving end of orgasm coercion may feel like their climax is more about their partner’s need to feel “man enough” than it is about their pleasure. Talk to your partner to see if they feel this way. If they do, discuss what you can do to help take the pressure off.

How to make your partner orgasm

With all that said, let’s talk orgasms. If you want to help your partner climax—or make their orgasms even better than they already are—try these tips from sexual health experts.

1) Don’t race toward your partner’s orgasm

“Try to remember the goal of sex is pleasure, and orgasm is one kind of pleasure that is significantly shorter than all the rest of it,” says Shadeen Francis, LMFT. That’s why Francis recommends slowing down. Take your time with your movements, and don’t focus on the end game. There is a slight irony to it—the more your partner thinks about orgasming, the less likely they will be to orgasm. So take the pressure off of your partner and focus on making them feel as good as possible for as long as possible. (We refer to this slow-down technique as closing the “pleasure gap.”)

2) Incorporate external clitoral stimulation

First thing’s first: the vast majority of vulva-owners require external clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. In fact, a study of more than 1,000 vulva-owners in 2017 revealed that only 18% of participants could orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone. So when you’re having sex, you want to focus on external stimulation alone or in combination with some form of penetration.

If you want to stimulate your partner’s clitoris during P-in-V intercourse, some sex positions make it easier to do than others. Rachel* is a fan of the coital alignment technique, or CAT: “When a guy is on top of you in the missionary position, have him shift his body slightly forward so that, every time he thrusts, his penis rubs against your clitoris.” This tactic is even more orgasmic if your partner’s legs are together and you’re straddling them, says Ellen Friedrichs, M.A., a health educator who also teaches at the City University of New York’s City Tech campus. You can achieve the same effect when they’re on top by propping yourself up on your elbows, which places your abdomen in closer contact with their clitoris.

3) Opt for specific positions

Speaking of the clitoris, there are some sex positions that come out on top (see what we did there?) when it comes to providing that sought-after stimulation.

According to Gigi Engle, SKYN’s resident sex expert, one of the best sex positions for clitoral contact is the lotus. In this position, you start seated and cross-legged, while your vulva-owning partner sits on your lap facing you and wraps their legs around your back. For a slightly less strenuous modification, you can also try the lotus position seated in a chair.

Engle likes this position because, like with the coital alignment technique, it entails sliding back and forth rather than bouncing up and down.

“It allows for more grinding against your partner’s body for that good old external stimulation,” she Engle.

Rebecca Glass, LMSW, a sex and relationship therapist, notes that cowgirl and reverse cowgirl are also stellar positions for getting some clitoral contact because the vulva owner has complete control over the angle of penetration.

4) Pay more attention to their butt

Unless anal is on the menu, butts are typically sidelined during sex. And that’s a shame, because “the buttocks are packed with nerve endings,” says Gilda Carle, Ph.D., an internationally-known relationship expert. To give your partner “a surprising jolt of pleasure,” spread your fingers wide and squeeze their cheeks.

That said, you should ask your partner if they’re into booty squeezing first. If they’re down, be gentle, and take it one step at a time. Yes, of course, there are people out there who crave a good, hard spanking, but that needs to be discussed and agreed on before the butt smacking begins.

5) Learn what your partner likes, and follow their lead

As we mentioned above, direct, external clitoral stimulation is the most surefire way to bring many vulva-owners to orgasm—and oral sex is a pretty good way of going about that. Sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT, says that using your mouth is the best way to get a sense of what your partner likes at every stage of arousal, including the stage just before orgasm. You’ll know your partner is becoming more aroused if you notice increased vaginal lubrication or if the external portion of their clitoris or their entire vulva swells. The clitoris—including the wishbone-shaped portion that’s underneath the skin—is made of erectile tissue just like the penis, so if your partner’s genitals increase in size, you’re doing a good job!

To find out more about your partner’s preferences, let them take the lead. When you’re giving them oral sex, get between their legs and give them a solid base of lips, tongue, and even chin (if you have a clean, smooth shave, that is) to rub against. While your partner does the grinding, note how hard they’re pushing and in what direction. Use that information later when using your fingers or mouth to please them.

6) Don’t stop kissing them

Once things get more heated, you might be tempted to focus less on kissing in favour of more X-rated pleasures. But deep kissing is often a must for reaching orgasm, according to a 2017 survey of more than 50,000 adults. The findings revealed that vulva-owners were much more likely to reach orgasm if their sexual encounter included a combination of deep kissing, oral sex, and genital stimulation.

7) Indulge their fantasies

Ask your partner if they have any fantasies they’d like to explore. “Fantasies can increase arousal during a sexual experience,” says Francis. “Finding a fantasy that really turns your partner on can add another layer of pleasure during sex.” It’s also a way to get your partner more psychologically aroused, which is just as important (if not more important) than physical arousal when it comes to having an orgasm. One study found that vulva-owners with lower sexual desire tend to require mental arousal in order to recognise their physical arousal. Try role play or tell your partner an erotic story to kick their pleasure up a notch.

8) Talk dirty to them

“Dirty talk” doesn’t have to include four-letter words. Describe what you’re doing to your partner, or say what you want them to do to you. If you’re hesitant, a simple compliment about how attractive you find your partner will do the trick. And if your partner has told you in advance that they’re turned on by specific words and phrases, pepper those into the dialogue, too.

9) Lube up

No matter how hot and heavy you’re getting, without adequate lubrication, it’s easy for sex to become uncomfortable or even painful for your partner. While lube is absolutely necessary for anal sex (butts don’t self-lubricate like vaginas do), it’s helpful for vaginal penetration and external stimulation, too—it can even make fingering more pleasurable. “Lubrication increases the comfort and speed with which you can penetrate the vagina and grind against the clitoris,” says Friedrichs.

Remember that needing lube doesn’t mean your partner isn’t turned on—some bodies just get wetter than others. Plus, medication, hormonal imbalances, menopause, stress, and dehydration can all decrease the body’s natural lubrication, so there’s nothing wrong with needing a little extra slippery stuff. Using lube makes sex more comfortable for everyone involved. In fact, a 2011 study found that using lube enhances sexual pleasure for vulva-owners. Just remember that if you’re using condoms, you should stick with water-based or silicone-based lube, since oil-based lube can damage latex.

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I’ve always been curious about the idea of exploring different kinks, like spanking or voyeurism, but find it’s something I can’t talk about with my mates. Is it normal to be curious about this?”

Absolutely, it’s completely normal to be curious about exploring different kinks. In fact, curiosity about kinks is more common than you might think. It’s just that not everyone feels comfortable discussing it openly, especially with their friends.

First off, let’s talk about what we mean by “kinks.” Kinks are basically any sexual preferences or activities that fall outside of what’s considered mainstream or vanilla.

The range of kinks spans from mild to wild, encompassing a diverse spectrum of sexual preferences and activities. Mild kinks may include playful role-playing, light bondage, or sensual sensory play, offering a gentle introduction to exploring sexual desires. Moving along the spectrum, moderate kinks like spanking, exhibitionism, or foot fetishism delve deeper into alternative desires, adding elements of power dynamics or sensory stimulation. At the more extreme end, wild kinks such as BDSM, edgeplay, or water sports involve intense forms of power exchange, risk exploration, or unconventional practices that push the boundaries of conventional sexual expression. What defines mild or wild varies from person to person, but we need to emphasise the importance of open communication, mutual consent, and respect for individual boundaries when exploring the diverse world of kinks.

Now, why might you be curious about exploring kinks? Well, there are a bunch of reasons. Maybe you’ve stumbled across something online that made you curious, or perhaps you’ve had a fantasy or two that got you thinking about it. Maybe you’re just curious about pushing your sexual boundaries and trying something new. Whatever the reason, it’s all good and as long as you are maintaining safety and consent, then it’s something to be excited about!

But here’s the thing—talking about kinks can be a bit of a taboo topic, especially among friends. Society tends to have some pretty strict ideas about what’s “normal” when it comes to sex, and anything outside of that can be seen as a bit, well, out there. So it’s understandable that you might feel a bit hesitant to bring it up with your friends.

That’s where I come in. As a sex therapist, I’m here to tell you that there’s nothing wrong with being curious about kinks. In fact, exploring your sexual interests in a safe and consensual way can be a really positive thing. It can help you learn more about yourself, deepen your connection with your partner(s), and even spice up your sex life.

So how can you go about exploring your curiosity about kinks? Well, first off, it’s important to remember that communication is key. If you’re in a relationship, talking openly and honestly with your partner about your interests and fantasies can be a great way to start exploring together. And if you’re single, there are plenty of ways to safely explore kinks on your own or with a trusted partner.

Another thing to keep in mind is that it’s okay to take things slow. You don’t have to dive headfirst into the deep end of the kink pool if you’re not ready. Start by doing some research, maybe reading up on different kinks like BDSM, role-playing, or sensory play, or talking to people who are experienced in the scene. And when you do start experimenting, make sure to prioritise safety and consent above all else.

Now, I don’t think I need to mention this, but not everyone is into kinks, and that’s totally okay, too. We’re all different, and what works for one person might not work for another. The key is to stay true to yourself and your own desires, whatever they may be, but remember to ALWAYS respect others desires and always ask for consent. I don’t like hearing horror stories of people who have had kink practices explored on them without being told beforehand.

So to sum it all up, yes, it’s totally normal to be curious about exploring different kinks. And while it might not be the easiest topic to broach with your friends, know that there are plenty of people out there—including yours truly—who are more than happy to talk about it with you. So don’t be afraid to embrace your curiosity and start exploring—who knows what you might discover along the way!

Related:

Asking for a mate with Chantelle Otten: hair loss

A list of 30 sexual kinks and fetishes we know you’re curious about

The post Asking for a mate… with Chantelle Otten appeared first on Men's Health Magazine Australia.

While the reasons for the resignation among some guys are complex and personal, what I largely see is a feeling of hopelessness and a belief that “there’s no one out there for me”. It’s pretty common to hear women sharing horror stories about dating men; I hope this article can be a starting point for any guys doing it tough on the digital dating scene to know that you’re not suffering alone. The fact dating can suck for men, too, is a shared experience for the vast majority of us.

One thing we know is that excessive screen time can squeeze the joy out of anything and when you talk to young guys today, they make clear they reckon the algorithm is rigged. The truth is, guys do have a much higher rate of rejection in the initial stages of dating (e.g. at the swipe right stage).

Speaking with people who work at dating apps, I’m told men typically swipe right on 1 in 3 women, while women swipe right on 1 in 20 guys. The experience of rejection at over six times the rate of women has a profound and cumulative impact on men’s self-worth, leaving many asking what they’re doing wrong. Unfortunately, there aren’t really any good quality guides for moving through the modern dating world, despite what some snake charmer-esque influencers (insert pick-up-artist conmen) might have you believe on YouTube.

My work with young guys is telling me there are two common reactive responses to the prospect of rejection and I can assure you, neither of them are helping. First off, some guys are trying to take back control to minimise a sense of ‘failure’ or a feeling they are being manipulated by women. They dominate conversation and they get aggressive and angry if they’re ghosted or rejected. It’s a trigger response, because you feel like shit, it hurts to feel invisible or not good enough, so you try to reassert yourself. I get it, but trying to regulate this impulse is key.

The second outcome is guys trying to package themselves as the lead in Mel Gibson’s early aughts romcom What Women Want, curating their profiles to be the ‘right’ kind of guy, while at the same time, losing all sense of their personalities, with an over estimation of their height and obsession with angles that hide what are perfectly normal receding hairlines. This tactic is not going to help differentiate you in a sea of ‘Lads on tour’ highlight reels.

So now, some advice, from a shrink, but most importantly, from a guy who successfully met his life partner on Hinge after spending way too much money on cocktails during shitty dates with people that made him want to hide under a doona for days.

How to change your approach to dating apps

1 Go out and ask your mates or your family to take photos of you that show a real insight into who you are (i.e., maybe lose the shot of you with a big fish). If you don’t offer an unfiltered glimpse into your life, you can’t expect to find real connection.

2 When you push past the online banter and end up F2F, be authentic, joke about what you’re feeling if you’re nervous—vulnerability is hot. The greatest superpower you have is to lean into the weird, awkward reality of dating. And if they throw it back at you and tell you it’s a turn off or let slip that you should ‘man up’, then fuck it, this is not your person.

3 Embrace failure. Turn rejection and what can be painful setbacks into an opportunity for growth and understanding. It’ll make you way more attractive. Remember, you can be the ‘nice guy’ and still have edge.

4 Finally, turn down the intensity. Hold any desired outcome lightly. It might end well, it might not, but often that’s out of your control. It’s exposure therapy 101. So just show up, be present and if that means you’re a sweaty mess, you don’t know what to say next or aren’t sure how to make the first move, just know they’re probably feeling the same way, so… talk about it. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.

Now go on, get out there, ya filthy animals.

Related:

In goal-setting mode? Listen to your inner voice

The biggest dating turn-offs, according to a woman who has been on 1000 dates

The post A psychologist’s guide to beating dating-app fatigue appeared first on Men's Health Magazine Australia.

Choosing the correct Hinge prompts—and writing good answers to those prompts—will help you scan the many fish in the sea to find those most suited for you. It might sound like a daunting task to craft the perfect profile, but at least you’re an expert in the subject matter: you.

“The most important thing to remember is to tell the truth and be authentic,” says Gigi Engle, a certified sex and relationship psychotherapist and sex expert at the LGBTQIA+ dating app Taimi. “The more you tell about yourself and the more honest you are, the more likely it is you’ll attract someone who will prove to be a good match.”

Best practices for crafting your Hinge prompts

Having an air of mystery may seem hot in movies, but it’s just a waste of time in real life—especially when it comes to dating apps, where determining what’s real and what’s not is so much more difficult than it is in person. “Being coy may seem like a safer way to interact on apps, but it doesn’t yield fruitful results,” Engle says. (No one’s swiping right on a bio that says “I suck at writing bios.”)

So nix those coy answers and get specific when you fill out your Hinge prompts. The more specific you get, the likelier you are to match with people that are similar to you. That means you’ll really have to think about yourself and want you want.

Be specific when discussing what you’re looking for, too. Vagueness won’t help narrow your options. For example, don’t just say you’re looking for “someone with a lot of personality” (is anyone not looking for someone with a personality?); say you’re looking for “someone with a lot of energy, and who enjoys being active and trying new things” (or whatever that personality looks like to you). Be honest, both with yourself and in your profile. Don’t say you’re “super into the gym” because you want someone with a six-pack, when in reality you haven’t been to gym in six months and have no intention of starting again.

Add a variety of prompts to paint a full picture of yourself. If all of your prompts are jokes, that doesn’t reveal a ton about you. But, if all your prompts are serious, you might come off as a little intense—and you won’t be revealing much about your day-to-day life.

The 20 best Hinge prompts to help get you a response

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But what if you could convey more about yourself and your interests with just a few emojis? Sure, emojis get a bad wrap; we’ve all gone a little too heavy with a thumbs-up or a fist clench at least once in our lives. But it turns out there might be an art to emoji use. In fact, emojis could be the unsung heroes of the digital dating environment. But before you fire off a few cheeky love hearts or, er, other stuff, to that significant other, the rule of thumb is, please, don’t overdo it. 

Do men or women use the most emojis?

A recent study analysed over 23,000 Tinder bios to determine which emojis were the most commonly used. And the results were interesting. Women used 41 per cent more emojis in their bios than blokes. Perhaps that’s not surprising; women are often more expressive and tend to use emojis to convey emotions and feelings. 

Previous research also suggests that both men and women are more inclined to use an emoji when signalling a romantic intention over text, with 73.5 per cent of people choosing to use emojis to convey interest. When signalling friendship intentions in a written message, however, more people (30.1 per cent) chose to avoid emoji use.

What are the most popular emojis? 

Topping the list was the male shrug emoji 🤷‍♂️, used in 1,367 profiles. This playful emoji shows potential matches that you don’t take yourself too seriously, opting for that ‘Is what it is‘ mentality. 

The heart emoji ❤️came in second place, appearing 777 times. Its purpose is pretty self-explanatory, showing love and friendliness. 

Third place went to the camera emoji,📸 often used to display an Instagram handle. 

Why do we use emojis? 

So, why are emojis so crucial in the world of online dating? According to the study, people who use emojis are 30 per cent more likely to get responses from messages sent to a match than those who don’t. 

Using emojis in your bio or messages makes you appear more approachable and fun, and helps convey your interests and hobbies visually and creatively. 

For example, the weightlifting emoji was the second most popular emoji used to show fitness and activity-related interests. 🏋️‍♂️

The book emoji came in third place, showing people’s love for reading and sparking potential conversations about literature. 📚

And the plane emoji was the most popular emoji used to show a love of travel and adventure. ✈️

But it’s not just about the most popular emojis. It’s also about how you use them. For example, using a laughing emoji in your bio can make you appear more lighthearted and easy-going. Using music-related emojis followed by your favourite genres or bands can help spark a deeper connection with potential matches with similar interests. 

Getty Images.

Avoid being a trigger-happy emoji user

It’s essential to use emojis in moderation. You don’t want to come across as too emoji-happy and appear immature or unprofessional. And it’s always a good idea to mix in some actual words and sentences to convey your interests and personality, not to mention prove that you’re literate. The theory that less is more is the general consensus with emojis. Replying with a question or a statement keeps the conversion flowing instead of a singular laughing emoji. Of course, there are some downsides to using emojis in online dating. For example, some people may not understand the meaning behind certain emojis or may misinterpret them entirely, leaving you in an awkward situation.

Ultimately, emojis are just one tool in the toolbox of modern dating. But they can be a powerful one. So, next time you update your Tinder profile or send a message to a potential match, don’t be afraid to throw in a few emojis to help convey your personality and interests. Who knows, it might just be the thing that helps you find your perfect match.

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We know it’s not always easy shopping for the big day (especially when looking for something super memorable), but fear not, we’ve done the hard work for you.

Flowers? Sure, you’ve got to consider those, but there’s a lot more out there that will put a smile across their face AND last longer than a few days. They don’t just want stuff, or good-smelling things. They want smart, useful, and stylish things that serve many purposes even beyond February.

We sniffed around all the great options out there and settled on the ultimate list of Valentine’s Day gift items for your partner, whether it’s a partner of one year or your husband of two decades. From sexy to sensible, this list of Valentine’s Day gifts covers the gamut.

The Style Gift: New Balance 550

A classic pair of New Balance sneakers continue to be a go-to style gift to give pretty much anyone in your life, if you ask us. We love the dependable leather, synthetic, and mesh upper, and the streamlined silhouette. They’ll be able to match it with just about any casual fit or streamlined silhouette.

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Best tech gift: Apple Watch Series 9

If you don’t have an Apple Watch, we understand that the whole thing might seem a little overwhelming. But chances are, you probably have a friend or two that do have an Apple Watch, and now can’t leave the house without it. And what better way to test it out than on your partner.

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The sexy gift: Lovehoney Sweet Romance Couple’s Sex Toy Kit

Make Valentine’s Day one to remember with not just one, but a selection of LoveHoney’s best-selling delights. The kit comes with six play things for you to enjoy together, so slip into something more comfortable and take your sweet time finding your favourite. It’s also on sale. You’re welcome.

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The Everyday Gift: Frank Green

What’s something you use every day that keeps you healthy and hydrated? A water bottle, of course. Frank Green’s ceramic reusable bottles are beautiful, will maintain beverage temperature and keep drinks tasting just the way your partner likes it (no nasty metallic flavoured water here).

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The Fitness Gift: Lululemon Double Roller Mini

Listen, I think we can all agree that foam rollers are the ultimate at-home recovery tool. Like their very own masseuse, this simple tool helps to relieve tightness, reduce inflammation and improve blood flow, which flushes out waste products. The bottom line? Spending quality time with this tool a few evenings a week will speed up their recovery – and their gains.

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Best gift for long-distance partners: Antler packing cubes

They’re traveling back and forth from their place to yours and their chargers and cosmetics are constantly tangled. This travel cube set eliminates that issue from their unpacking. They come in four sizes and are made with an extra strong compression zip so they can pack more in.

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The nutrition gift: Musashi protein bars

It might not be the most fancy Valentine’s Day gift on the list but it sure is practical: I can’t even count the amount of times my partner complained that they were out of protein bars.

These High Protein bars by Musashi pack 45g of protein with less than 5g of carbs in a convenient, delicious chocolate-coated bar with tasty flavoured centre. Tasty and useful.

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MH team pick: Reebok Nano X4

Look, we’re fitness people here at Men’s Health, so of course our pick for the guide would come in the form of a sneaker. The Nano X4 Training Shoes are one of the lightest and most breathable Nano iterations yet. These Reebok training shoes are crafted with stability and support, without any kooky design features that add weight. A win in our books.

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The Sentimental Gift: Booktopia

If you have a reader on your hands, don’t underestimate the power of a new book. Boy Swallows Universe is a must-read if they haven’t already (especially if they’re planning on watching the Netflix series), however if you’re unsure a nice couch wouldn’t go astray.

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Best couples Gift: Mr And Mrs Smith voucher

What Valentine’s Day gift is better than one you can enjoy with them: the gift of travel. With a voucher from luxury holiday website Mr and Mrs Smith, you can let your partner choose their own adventure from the site’s curated collection of more than 1,800 seductive stays.

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Honestly, whatever you’re into, it’s completely normal. The list of kinks and fetishes that exist out here in this great, wide world are limitless. If your mind can imagine it, someone has made a kink out of it.

Kinks and fetishes are a natural part of being a curious human being—and they are actually quite common. Science backs this up. In research conducted by social psychologist Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., a member of the Men’s Health advisory panel, over 90 percent of Americans reported having a fantasy about BDSM—an umbrella term encompassing bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism, and masochism. An earlier study from 2017 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that nearly 50% of the general population has tried BDSM in some form or fashion.

Lehmiller’s research shows that almost all of us have thought about or considered having a sexual experience that would be considered “taboo.” This includes things like role playing, using food during sex, and having sex in the great outdoors.

Kinks and Fetishes: What’s the Difference?

Before we get into our list of popular kinks and fetishes, let’s break down the difference between a kink and fetish, because knowing the difference can be a key part in your own self-discovery. “There’s not what I’d call a bright-line difference between the two,” says Carol Queen, Ph.D., Good Vibrations staff sexologist and co-author (with Shar Rednour) of The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone.

Queen defines a kink as any erotic or sexual interest that deviates from the socially prescribed “norm.” A kink can be part of a person’s overall sexual makeup (i.e., you occasionally like to be spanked, you’re here for a bit of latex), or very much the focus of a person’s eroticism (i.e., you want to get spanked every time you have sex).

A fetish, Queen says, usually involves an object or a specific body part (or its function) that is the focus of a person’s sexual interest. It’s a NEED that is required in order to reach full sexual satisfaction. Some fetishes are more “intense” than others. Some folks may require a fetish act or object to be a part of an experience to become aroused at all. Others may not need it to have a good sexual experience, but they do require it to have their peak sexual experience. It basically boils down to how much a certain act or object is needed to enjoy an erotic encounter.

Before you venture out to explore a new kink or fetish, it’s really important to resource yourself and do your research, especially if it involves risk (like blood play and breath play). Take classes, read online articles, and proceed with the utmost caution. “Turn to the BDSM world first; find out who the people are in your community or region who participate (and are well-regarded) in these kinds of play (or any advanced play you might be interested in),” Queen recommends. “Some of these folks will do classes or arrange teaching time with interested people.” We highly recommend kink educator Julieta Julieta Chiara’s kink classes for beginners. She also teaches Shibari workshops, if rope tying is more your jam. Queen also recommends reading Playing Well With Others.

A List of Kinks and Fetishes

Since kinks and fetishes vary from person to person, here’s a list of them to consider. Remember that human sexual interests are highly varied, and it’s important not to yuck anyone else’s yum. Just because you might not be into something doesn’t make it wrong or weird. We’re all entitled to enjoy the things we enjoy, as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult.

Age play

Age play is an umbrella term for a kink that involves someone roleplaying at a younger age than they actually are. Think a baby, child, or toddler. These relationships can range from platonic to more sexual and BDSM-oriented, like in a DD/LG dynamic. Like many kinks and fetishes, the exact definition of this term varies widely from person to person.

Balloon fetish

Are you sexually aroused by the look, shape, and/or feel of balloons? You may be a “looner.” Whether you get off on popping it (or not—these folks are called “non-poppers”), rubbing it, or blowing it up, this is a highly personal fetish. How you interact with the material is up to you.

Blood play

Blood play refers to the act of using blood during sex. A person may be sexually aroused by the scent, sight, taste, or feel of blood. It plays out in myriad ways—from period sex to using medical instruments to draw blood. This type of play is incredibly risky, with the potential to result in serious injury or death. “Even when it’s done in a focused way (needles, rather than blades, say), it can introduce bacteria into the body,” Queen says. “Aa scrupulous clean practice must be learned for anyone who does this sort of play.”

Bondage

Bondage, by definition, means the act of tying up or restraining a sexual partner. Whether it entails rope, handcuffs, a spreader bar, or a blindfold, bondage combines psychological and physiological stimuli, making it appealing. Want to learn more? Dig into Seductive Art of Japanese Bondageand Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink by Midori.

Breath play

Erotic asphyxiation (otherwise known as “breath play”) is a dangerous sexual act that eroticises limited oxygen. “Many types of kink play can carry danger or the risk of harm, but breath play is among the most potentially dangerous (as is choking, which makes it especially dismaying to see it in porn and see that it is becoming normalised),” Queen. People participating in breath play must have a solid understanding of the neck and anatomy. “You need to know what you are affecting, and how, re: brain oxygenation and more,” Queen says. “This is 1000%, not a beginner activity.”

Breeding Kink

A breeding kink is the desire to be “bred.” This can include: A kink for getting pregnant and/or a kink for having someone ejaculate inside of you. This kink is rooted in fantasy and usually does not involve someone really trying to get pregnant. Proper safety precautions should always be taken when engaging in this kink.

A breeding kink can also look like a HuCow (aka: Human Cow) fetish. This is when a submissive partner acts as a “cow” and the dominant partner acts as a bull or farmer. The bull/farmer “breeds” the cow by mounting them and ejaculating inside of them. HuCow intersects with both the kink around breeding and animal roleplay. HuCow may involve the Dom and sub only, or it may involve a larger group sex scene.

CBT

Cock and Ball Torture, also known as CBT, is a sexual activity in which the male genitals are subjected to pain. This can range from mild constriction to the misery of testicle crushing (which can occur via the squeeze of a hand, a swift kick, or a clamp to the scrotum). Wax play, penis flogging, penis trampling, testicle stretching, urethra play, and erotic electrostimulation also fall under this kink.

Claustrophobia

This is a sexual attraction to tight places. There can be a cocoon-like feeling to being in tight and confined spaces. You may also enjoy the fear element of being closed in. Fear has actually been shown to produce a sexual response in some people, which is why people sometimes get horny after scary movies or roller coasters. This kink can also manifest as a mummy kink, wherein a person is wrapped in either sheets or latex. There can be something trance-like about being wrapped up this way; the feeling is very similar to being in subspace.

Clothed female/naked male (CFNM)

The CFNM acronym stands for Clothed Female Naked Male, which basically sums up the straightforward nature of the fetish. In this dynamic, a clothed, dominant female typically objectifies and wields her sexual power over a naked man.

Clown Fetish

A clown fetish is when you’re drawn to or are interested in dressing up as a clown during sexual, intimate, or kink play. Officially known as coulrophilia, the appeal is likely rooted in the childlike nature of clowns, the silliness of the clown character, and the bright outfits and makeup that come with dressing up like a clown. This kink can involve elements of BDSM and power play, as well as role-play.

Cuckolding

This term is tied closely to BDSM since it overlaps with domination, submission, and humiliation. Basically, cuckolding is a kink or fetish where a guy gets hot, bothered, and humiliated by his spouse or partner getting it on with someone else.

Dominance and submission

D/s is one facet of the umbrella term BDSM (or Bondage and Disciple, Dominance and Submission, and Sadomasochism). D/s is generally about power dynamics, a situation where one person dominates or has power or control over another. The other person submits or gives over their rights and desires to another. But, how D/s is defined depends upon the people who practice it.

Erotic electrostimulation

Also known as erotic e-stim, this sexual practice involves using specially designed power sources to stimulate the nerves of the body—primarily, the genitals—for sexual pleasure. Think EMS, TENS, violet wands, and made-for-play units. E-stim is often associated with BDSM play and should be explored cautiously, as it can be dangerous if not done correctly.

Exhibitionism

When a person experiences sexual excitement from the idea of being naked, engaged, and observed in a sexual activity, they’re into exhibitionism. This consensual kink should not be confused with mental health conditions that involve sexual arousal without consent.

Foot fetish

Podophilia, the technical term for a foot fetish, is one of the world’s most common fetishes. One study found that fetishes related to human body parts were the most prevalent fetishes. Foot fetishes, or podophilia, accounted for almost 50% of the preferences of this group. A quick Google search for “food fetishes” returns more than 15 million results. Foot fetishes can be specific to size, shape, adornment (think jewellery or nail polish), sensory features, and the type of interaction. For example, some fetishists are super into footwear instead of the actual feet.

Gender Bending

Gender bending is exactly what it sounds like: playing with gender. This can look like a cis gender male or masc person wearing sexy lingerie, panty hose, or other traditionally “femme” attire. Likewise, it can look like a cisgender woman or femme person dressing in traditionally masc clothing. It may also involve a more traditionally “dominant” partner taking on a submissive role during sexual play. Basically, the idea is to take prescribed gender roles and inverse or play with them in unexpected ways.

Hirsute fetish

If you’re aroused by women who take an au natural approach to grooming and let their (leg, armpit, and pubic) hair down, you may have a hirsute fetish. This fetish is pretty straightforward: a sexual attraction to female body hair. Despite societal pressures to be clean shaved, a 2021 YouGov Body Image Study showed that 35% of Americans prefer if women shave, while 7% said they should not shave.

Hotwifing

“Hotwifing” is a closely related kink to cuckolding, where people offer up their significant other to outside partners as a matter of pride (instead of humiliation).

Humiliation

For some folks, humiliation is their fast track to sexual pleasure. They may like to be degraded, embarrassed, insulted, or humiliated during sex. Some forms of humiliation are verbal, while others are more physical. Some combine the two. Before you delve into this sort of play, get a read on your partner’s wants, limits, and desires since this is not a one-size-fits-all situation. And if this kink isn’t something you’re comfortable with, that’s OK too.

Impact play

If the thought of striking your partner with a hand, toy, or object for sexual gratification seems extreme, it doesn’t have to be. This sort of sensation play can range from sweet love taps to smacks that leave a mark for days. This power exchange extends far beyond spanking. The idea is to strike safe erogenous zones (butt, upper thighs, etc.) that trigger an endorphin high. It’s not all about pain (but it can be, depending upon what both people want) and more about the psychological elements.

Knismolagnia

Knismolagnia is a fetish where people derive sexual pleasure from the sensation of being tickled, tickling others, or simply watching someone get tickled. It’s basically a fancy term for arousal by tickling. Often, with this fetish, no sexual activity is involved, and people can orgasm from tickling alone.

Latex fetish

The attraction to latex and rubber can be fetishistic. Wearing garments made of these skintight materials is closely linked with the S&M community. Some people also find sexual appeal in the actual material, whether they wear it or not. For others, the smell of rubber is enough to spark arousal.

Masochism

Masochism makes up the “M” in BDSM. This kink centres on pain and can range from light hair-pulling g to extreme cock and ball and torture. It’s a fairly common kink: A 2017 survey found that 10% of respondents were somewhat or very interested in exploring pain in the bedroom.

Orgasm control

Often described as “edging” or “peaking,” this kink involves putting the brakes on an orgasm right before the point of release. Sure, it takes some mental and physical practice to control your orgasms. But once you get the hang of it, the ebbs and flows of pleasure leading up to climax feel pretty damn good. A similar “stop-start method” involving stimulating the penis until just before orgasm and then stopping until the urge to ejaculate goes away has been used for decades to treat premature ejaculation.

Pantyhose fetish

People (usually men) drawn to this fetish experience sexual excitement by wearing pantyhose, admiring those who wear pantyhose, or some combination of sight and tactile sensations. They may also get off on handling worn pantyhose.

Rope bondage

Rope bondage, or shibari, is a Japanese form of sex play using rope restraint methods. Such play can be rough sexual or soft, and sensual (and everything in between). It really depends on what dynamic the top and bottom desire. (A “top” is the person tying; a “bottom” is the person being restrained.) Want to learn more? The authority on the topic is The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori. As for rope, Twisted Monk has been the gold standard since 2004; the site also has several helpful how-to videos on everything from how to select the right rope to basic ties.

Sadism

If the idea of inflicting pain on others excites you, you may be a sadist. From biting and bondage to hot wax and handcuffs, this type of play encompasses a variety of physical and psychological power exchanges. Sure, some people are into more extreme activities; still, a Reader Survey by Lehmiller indicates that most people who practice S&M are into “safe, sane, and consensual” play.

Sploshing

Sploshing is the sexual interest in messy, wet, and jelly-like substances. It is also known as a “wet and messy” fetish. This can include things like sitting in a giant vat of Jell-O, cake sitting, and playing with shaving cream. Sploshing boils down to getting a lot of sexual enjoyment from copious amounts of wet messiness during sexual play, whether you’re actually having sex or not.

This play is rooted in sensory play, as these substances come with a certain feel, smell, and taste. The appeal seems to be the tactile feeling of the substance and in the case of food, also the tasting of things. It’s about being turned on by messiness, slipperiness, and all that other sloshy goodness.

Voyeurism

Voyeurism is the act of deriving sexual pleasure through watching someone else—or multiple people—engage in sexual activities. The legality of the kink depends upon consent. From an ethical standpoint, voyeurism is only a kink if all parties consent. You can 100% create scenarios that feel non-consensual—if everyone is on board and agrees. However, shooting an up-skirt video or recording someone without permission is a punishable crime.

Wax play

Wax play is a kink in which hot wax, usually from a candle, is dripped or poured onto a partner. It falls under “temperature play” in the kink world. It is not something you want to happen without preparation and communication. Sure, it can be used in a BDSM context to create fear and sensation in an intimate setting. But lower-temperature liquids, like massage candles, can be used for straight-up sensual scenarios free of power dynamics.

This Story originally appeared on Men’s Health US

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